Thursday, 22 May 2014

a one hundred and tenth story...'letter from ernest'

Dear Ivan:

Apologies for having not written in a while … You’ll never guess – I did indeed blow my brains out.  Haha!  And I am now writing to you from Cloud Nine in invisible ink, by spectral hand, and at a desk made solely of water vapours etcetera.  You see, after the dirty business of suicide, as if by magic, my soul left my body and ascended to heaven (St Peter, did, however, take a good long look at me at the pearly gates – part of my frontal lobe was missing of course - but let me in when he was told who I was: That, I suppose, was the most amazing miracle of all).

Heaven’s alright, you know.  But, I confess, it is a bit like being back at the asylum – white washed walls, everyone in white uniforms, and it’s awfully quiet.  Started playing some of that Coltrane you gave me a few years back last week, and immediately was ssshed by a passing choir of angels (I am beginning to despise choral music – just too damned holy!).

Anyhow, it was good of you to write, even if you have some darned silly views on bull-fighting.  Death is everywhere, you should remember – death in the morning, death in the afternoon (did you really not like this one of mine?), death when the fat old sun sets (and yet the sun also rises! Ha!).  That said, I’m glad you think I was writing ‘as well as ever’, up until the whole shotgun finale. 

On blowing my brains out: don’t be sore about it.  It was what I wanted.  As you said I’d lived three lives wrapped into one, and should really have died a handful of times before – the war in Italy, and those two plane crashes.  Anyhow, when you reach the end of your tether you’ll find out too that reason and freedom are wasted on you.  Again, don’t be sad.  You never know, it might even bring you and that scheming wife of yours back together. Loretta: a tricky one, but goddamn beautiful!  (Better scribble out the goddamn, won’t get past the censors here).

Ivan, you are not terrible, and certainly in comparison with me you are steady, not prone to feeling awful, drinking too much (its what we writers do mind you), or flying off the handle in a rage.  Stay calm, and life will sort itself out, and things will become clearer.  Be a man!  You said you could stand the pain – so do so!  I would say the Lord will provide, but you and I both you he won’t (no, I haven’t met him yet), therefore here’s looking at you kid!

Yours eternally,

Ernest.

PS. Do miss fishing up here, several thousand miles above the sea.  Long to wrestle with a 1000lb Tuna again – remember the one you and I had for nine and half hours before the sharks got it?  The head alone must have been 250lb! You win, you lose: existence in a coconut shell.    

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