Depression Awareness Week was last week: an important
initiative aimed at raising the profile of the illness and all its potential
manifestations.
When depression takes hold it can be incredibly
difficult to get out of whatever the depressive state on one’s own accord. There may be a very strong element of guilt
involved on the part of someone experiencing low mood which can prevent him or
her engaging sufficiently with their depression, as well as frustration,
bordering on desperation that there doesn’t appear to be anyone around to
listen and respond on an emotionally intelligent level that involves more than just
sympathy, as well as an understanding that human beings, depressed or
otherwise, function on the idea of hope existing somewhere, or in somebody else.
It is hard to listen to someone with depression – some of
things they have to say may appear so at odds with your conception of reality
that it is nearly impossible to know how to respond, or indeed understand why
and how they may feel the way they do; moreover, it can be uncomfortable in
that participating in an intimate conversation involves a degree of
vulnerability and openness on your part, which in itself can turn up unwanted
feelings and/or memories.
However, it is essential that depression is accepted and
listened to. While not necessarily a
cure, if you are prepared to lend an ear and hear out what someone struggling
with depression has to say in a sensitive manner, you will have acted as a
sticking plaster on a bleeding heart.
There aren’t many hard and fast rules about how to listen to
someone struggling with depression since the reasons why they feel low, in addition to how low they feel, will vary from person to person. However, if there are any best or better practices then it may be more
preferable to listen and respond with simple questions to lead your friend onwards
in what they have to say without appearing to dismiss or judge the reasons for
their low mood; and it helps too, if able, to try and detect simultaneously
where their hope for a better future may lie - and however unrealistic the basis for their hope may seem to you, make
sure you exercise extreme caution and tact before telling them so, if indeed you
have to at all.
It is also worth remembering in these sorts of conversations
that the person struggling to come to terms with their depression may very
likely be feeling isolated and detached from goings on around them, and
as a listener it can help to share any similar experiences you may have had –
they will feel less abnormal and more relaxed as a consequence – so long as you are not desperately uncomfortably about it, and continue to let them hold the majority of the conversation.
Furthermore, the person struggling to come to terms with
their depression may have been experiencing a particularly complicated version
of reality, again perhaps in comparison to yours, and it does not always help
to introduce your more straightforward view of reality into the conversation anytime soon, if at all. The more they talk,
and you prompt and listen, the further they are coming out of their depressed Self, clearing and opening new mind channels that may have previously seemed obstructed and/or impossible to navigate.
And another important part of listening to someone confessing
their depression can be touch. There is
a place that exists for many people beyond words, a place where two people can
have a profound meeting, and in the case of someone who may have been feeling
disassociated from the physical world, and/or experiencing potentially extreme
cognitive dissonance, or repetitive and damaging thought cycles, touch is a
good way to help them both engage with the physical world, and bring about an
awakening of the senses, as well as break the sometimes merciless vortex of
inner conflict and worry.
At the very worst, if you are able to do any or all of the
above, you will have played a part in helping the cause against loneliness,
itself one of the causes of depression.
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