a twenty eighth story...'black woollen socks, beach shorts and beach sandals'

The sun shone.  Madison liked this.  He liked sunny weather.  Sunny weather meant he could wear his beach shorts.  They were knee length and covered in little cartoons of little people dressed in much the same way as Madison liked to dress when the sun was out and high in the sky.  The little people were riding the frothing crests of little frothing waves on little surf boards: they looked as if they were having a fun time!

Anyhow..

Among many things, Madison liked to consider himself a surf boarder.  Unfortunately he never quite pulled off the look; with his beach shorts he wore beach sandals, and with his beach sandals he wore socks!  Black woollen socks pulled up above his ankles – Hawii Five O!

Madison dressed like an only child, indeed Madison was an only child.  Moreover, his parents separated on his second birthday.  They had an argument over a soft toy.  Madison’s father bought him the wrong version of Mickey Mouse – a big cuddly version of Mini Mouse.  In defence of Madison’s father he was extremely myopic and had left his glasses at home going to the Disney Store on behalf of Madison’s mother.  Madison’s mother was in bed dosed up on various psychiatric drugs.  Madison’s father had little or no interest in Walt or any of his movies.  It was the last straw, the match in the powder barrel and so forth. 

Oh stuff and fluff!

~

And it came to pass that Madison grew up with his mother; he couldn’t remember his father, then again after a while neither could his mother.  When her consumption of all manner of pharmaceuticals fogged her mind and sent her into a permanent stupor, some generous soul arranged a guardian for Madison.  The guardian was kind and benevolent, schooled Madison, cooked him his meals and even played with him while Madison’s mother lay in her silk pyjamas dreaming of nothing in particular. 

That said, Madison’s guardian also knew squat about Disney movies.

Then again, Madison soon became more interested in other things, namely, surf boarding!

But wait a moment! 

Madison, his narcotized mother and his guardian all lived in a twenty-fourth floor apartment, on the east side of Central Park, New York City.  New York City is, for anyone who has watched ‘Friends’, not only a series of cheap, knock up television sets, but the Capital of the East and resides on the Eastern Seaboard of the United States. 

Meanwhile, for anyone who maintains more than a passing enthusiasm toward American Pop Greats, the Beach Boys, you’ll know that they were formed in 1961 in Hawthorne, LA County on the Western Seabord of the US.  This is where the surf is up! 

People in LA County spend their time frolicking among the sandy surf of the state’s many beaches.  The Beach Boys music was as much to do with frolicking as it was to do with surf boarding.  Madison liked the Beach Boys as much as he liked the sun – and his knee length beach shorts.  And surf boarding.

i.e. A lot.

Sadly though for Madison during his formative years he could but dream of going to LA County, let alone of going surfing.  Remember: he lived in city made out of a series of cheap, knock up television sets.

Nevertheless, as a teenager he would often take his transistor radio from his bedroom, run a hot bath, and wearing his beach shorts (back then a different pair with little cartoons of little green palm trees on little yellow islands) slide back and forth on his front in the soap suds with the Beach Boys music playing in the background.  At some stage he discovered this activity was also somewhat arousing, and he began to take little pictures of scantily clad women with him too.

~

Surf boarding had sex appeal.  Madison had very little.  But he was intrigued by it regardless and remained so into his twenties or Two Zeroes.  During his Two Zeroes Madison was still living in the same twenty-fourth floor apartment slightly on the east side of Central Park, New York City, albeit without his intoxicated mother and his once benevolent guardian.  In one of the more surprising and unusual events to befall Madison he had discovered the two in bed together one Thursday afternoon on returning from High School, and the next morning his mother and his guardian eloped.  Madison had no idea where they had gone, and was devastated for days; he loved his mother in spite of her complete reluctance to love him back and he loved his guardian like she was his mother.  

Perhaps a fortnight later, again on his return from High School, he found a postcard on the door mat.  It was of two scantily clad woman lying on a beach some place.  The message, in pink italics, read: Ooh La La! 

On the back his mother had scrawled: Miss YOU!

Madison took it with him on his next visit to the bathroom.

~

By the time Madison’s mother and guardian had left him, however, it was the Rolling Stones that accompanied his surf boarding fantasies.  The Rolling Stones didn’t make a great deal of surf music, but increasingly Madison’s surf boarding fantasies also involved attractive members of the opposite sex.  The Rolling Stones did write about the opposite sex – a lot. 

One of the Stones’ songs about members of the opposite sex had in fact been a favourite of Madison’s mother – it was called ‘Mother’s Little Helper’ and was to do with single mothers on barbiturates, specifically Nembutal.  How indulgent of her!  And yet, let it not be said the Stones were ‘only a rock n’ roll band’.  Music in the sixties was all about social commentary.  I know this and never even lived through the decade!!

~

The Rolling Stones featured in Madison’s life in another way apart from their music.  Madison’s habit of wearing black woollen socks pulled up above his ankles came from none of than Mick Jagger (the Beast, and former student of the London School of Economics).  Mick Jagger, lead singer of the Stones’, was pictured wearing the very same black woollen socks pulled up above his ankles in a photograph of the band Madison saw on a record sleeve.  Mercifully, while this photograph intrigued Madison, he opted in the end for a pair of beach shorts instead of a very small pair of Y-fronts to be worn in combination.

Which brings us neatly back to Madison’s dress sense and growing up as an only child..

Like so many in his predicament he was lonely, and he didn’t have any siblings to look up to, down upon, or define himself against.  And this is largely why he dressed as he did, and wanted to be thought of as surf boarder.  He longed to fit in, to kick with the fray, frolic in the sandy surf etc, but not in New York he couldn’t and not if he went to LA County either. 

Madison’s mother was an only child too, and her subsequent insecurities manifested themselves in a passive aggressive way against Madison.  After giving birth to one child, she didn’t want to fuck men anymore.