a thirty fourth story...'conversion'

The bumper of the car in front had a sticker on.

It read: ‘Jesus is my Airbag’.

Erol slowed, and then decided to overtake instead.

As he pulled into the outside lane and passed the car, he took a good look at the driver.

The driver was white, perhaps mid fifties, with a matted beard and crow’s feet around his eyes.  He was wearing a Red Sox baseball cap.

To Erol he resembled a latter day incarnation of John the Baptist.

‘GODSPEED!’, Erol shouted sarcastically through his open window as he sped by.

He didn’t much like Christians, they made him uncomfortable what with their floppy arms, limp handshakes, fake humility and scout badges. 

~

Half an hour later, Erol decided to pull into a gas station to refill and get a bite to eat.  He parked up, had the attendant – an octogenarian in blue dungarees and an oily white shirt – see to his car, and walked over to the roadside diner.  The roadside diner resembled a pink breeze block with windows.  Inside it was empty save a couple of truckers tucking into an early lunch of ham and eggs.  Erol sidled up to the counter and ordered the same, as well as a glass of beer to wash it down.

As Erol was forking his first mouthful of ham and eggs into his mouth, John the Baptist walked in.  Erol swallowed.  John the Baptist strode to the counter and asked gruffly for a menu.  The waitress, a chubby blonde in a powder pink apron, presented him with one. John the Baptist began to study it. 

Erol hesitated a moment before going back to his food. 

Ham and eggs, he thought.  They sure go well together!

But really he was thinking about John the Baptist.

~

John the Baptist must have been a fast eater, or perhaps he just ordered a soda or something, because by the time it came for Erol to return to the counter and pay the chubby blonde waitress in the powder pink apron, John the Baptist was there too!

Erol felt a little nervous.

John the Baptist was studying him from under his Red Sox baseball cap with two beady eyes. 

Erol waited as the waitress counted out his change, and tried to distract his mind with thoughts of ham and eggs.

Then it happened.

‘Don’t I recognise you from somewhere?’, John the Baptist asked Erol with a voice that sounded lived in for a couple of thousand years.  Erol flinched, and looked in the opposite direction, ‘No, sir’, he replied shuffling his feet. 

‘Yes, I do’, continued John the Baptist as the waitress returned Erol’s change, ‘you shouted at me back there on the freeway, didn’t you?.  Oops, thought Erol, putting his change in his back pocket, a jolt going up his spine – John the Baptist wasn’t a big man, but there was something menacing or at least disconcerting about him. 

‘What did you say, exactly?’ pressed John the Baptist, ‘Godspeed, was it?’.  Erol didn’t answer but stayed where he was.  John the Baptist leaned towards him, ‘are you a believer in Christ Almighty?’, he growled.  Erol was beginning to feel silly and embarrassed, the Holy Chickens were coming home to roost!

‘No, sir’, he said.  ‘No, sir’, repeated John the Baptist fingering his matted beard, head to one side, ‘you're awful polite aren’tchya, boy?’.  Erol said nothing again. ‘No, Suh?’ mimicked John the Baptist, breaking into a broad grin and bearing a set of wonky yellow teeth. 

Humiliation complete, Erol fled like St Peter with his ears on fire.

~

But Erol’s humiliation wasn’t complete.  Oh no!

When he returned to where his car had been, guess what?! It was nowhere to be seen.  Erol, shaken by his brief encounter with John the Baptist, cut a folorn figure standing in the gas station forecourt, scratching his head.

(The old gas station attendant was nowhere to be seen either!)

Good heav..said Erol and then caught himself.  Godda..and then he caught himself again.  Jesu..one more time.. ‘For FUCK’s SAKE’, he moaned, as the door to the roadside diner opened, and John the Baptist emerged.

Erol turned.  John the Baptist touched his Red Sox baseball cap by way of acknowledgement and headed towards his parked car with the ‘Jesus is my Airbag’ sticker on the bumper.

And then epiphany struck!

The Spirit of the Lord was born in Erol.

At the top of his voice, he yelled: ‘JOHNNY: TAKE ME TO THE RIVER!’