Wednesday, 28 November 2012

a fifty fourth story...'the ghost of christmas yet to come'

Gary parked his car as close to the shopping plaza as possible, and cut the motor.  In front of him a large woman emerged from a red saloon.  Gary narrowed his eyes.  There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with her, and yet she was stationed in a disabled parking space.  Gary had not heard of lifestyle diabetes.

The large woman (incidentally the democratically elected constituent Member of Parliament) waddled over to the parking meter, while Gary rummaged in the glove compartment for spare change.   The new government tax on cash (pounds, pence and so on) was beginning to bite.  It had been introduced to persuade consumers to use plastic instead: credit cards were being subsidised by another government initiative as a result of a levy on children’s toys.

~

As Gary walked across the parking lot he hunkered low in his thread loose jacket and searched his pockets for his cigarette lighter.  He had a couple of cigarettes left from the packet his wife had bought him for a recent birthday.  God bless her, thought Gary – his wife had to do three weeks overtime to afford it, had to go on the dark web to purchase lighter fuel.  And as for the crate of lager, Gary dreaded to think about what sacrifice had gone into buying that! 

I’ll repay her somehow..perhaps I’ll take her away somewhere Gary imagined, in an instant remembering his friend Tommy who had re-mortgaged his house to afford air tax to fly his family to Spain.  And then there was the duty on sun screen and swim wear.  Swim wear had been the subject of a series of public service advertisements aimed at educating people in the dangers of promiscuity.  There were a few beaches in the UK that had now been designated red light zones (not that anyone under the age of fifty ever visited them in the first place). 

Gary sighed, lit up and inhaled..there would be no holiday then – besides getting the time off work would have involved filling in one form after another, after another, as well as a visit to the Citizens Advice Bureau to be shown how not to infringe the application: a highly probable scenario.  Gary’s co-worker, Darren, had had his holiday application rejected on the grounds he was left handed (the clue was in his handwriting!).  Left handed people were viewed by the home office as a potential communist/pink press threat, better contained within surveillance boundaries.

~

Still, it was nearly Christmas, and there was something vaguely reminiscent of good old fashioned Christmas cheer in the air, even if the low energy Christmas lights, and faith neutral Christmas decorations (comprising of purple stars and glitter) did little to capitalise on this residual feeling.

Nevermind, mulled wine was what Gary had been sent to procure by his wife, and as Gary entered the supermarket past a government approved Santa Claus, posing in an all in one red and green Lycra bodysuit, he was praying to the faith neutral Gods half the bank loan he and his wife had taken out for the festive season would not be used up on one bottle alone.  After all the children would need something  to drink too; equally the thought of making moonshine again from left over cans of Anti-Freeze didn’t appeal (Gary's children by the way were legally obliged to a daily intake of antabuse until their sixteenth birthday to prevent under age alcohol consumption).

~

..Up and down the aisles the supermarket was full of grey looking people struggling to steer their remote control trolleys, struggling gamely to look cheerful, however antiquated a posture looking cheerful had become.  Gary reached the alcohol section.  Customary security checks were being carried out to ensure all consumers were not carrying any metallic materials, sharp objects – belts had to be removed etcetera.  Gary got in line, at least it wasn’t as bad as buying cigarettes he thought, where you were likely to be strip searched and or taken for an X-Ray – all for your own good, of course, as the government slogan went.  

All for your own good, Gary repeated to himself, as he prepared to unlace his shoes and unbuckle his wrist watch, all for you own good...

…if only the politicians would acknowledge 99% of abstinent non-smokers die, more or less the same.

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